Choose Gratitude over Apology

I find there are far too many instances where people, when accepting help, generosity, or when perceiving that they have created any minor inconvenience, will say “I’m sorry” instead of “thank you”.

Why is it that when accepting gifts, however small, we bow our heads, avoid eye contact and just toss our penitence to the gifting person. What might we feel like if instead of habitually uttering the shame-filled and insecure words, “I’m sorry” when accepting a small gift of generosity, we chose two entirely different words – “thank you”.

Thank you pulls both the sayer and the receiver up. Thank you requires the confidence of the sayer to believe (or act like they believe) they are a person deserving of the gift they are receiving and shows the receiver recognizes that the giver has both the resource and the generosity to be able to give. The two words build both people up.

“I’m sorry”, on the other hand, pulls both the giver and the receiver down. To say “I’m sorry” at the receipt of a gift of generosity is to express shame or unworthiness – it comes from a small place. It insinuates that the giver has made the receiver feel ashamed. This forces them to reassure the receiver that they are OK or even to defend their gift – “I’m going this way anyway” or “it’s no big deal”.

So next time you’re about to say “I’m sorry” pause and try a little reframe:

• I’m sorry I was late
• Thank you for waiting for me

• I’m sorry it took so long for me to understand that assignment
• Thank you for being so patient with me and helping me understand the assignment

• I’m sorry I didn’t pack enough food for this hike. I’m the worst!
• Thank you for being so prepared and generous with your snacks on this hike. You’re the best!

Try these out and choose the one that will leave both of you feeling better, more confident and more energized. Soon you might even be a habitual thanker!